


The Millstone of Humiliation

by Green3lf



Series: Moments Uncatalogued [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Case Fic, Character Study, F/M, Humor, Mention of other episodes, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28523949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Green3lf/pseuds/Green3lf
Summary: Mulder and Scully have tracked a suspect to an isolated location. The suspect is inept, so why do Mulder and Scully end up in a bind?
Relationships: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Moments Uncatalogued [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089464
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	The Millstone of Humiliation

**Author's Note:**

> I often wonder about all the X-Files cases we didn't get to see. I wonder even more about all the conversations and interactions Mulder and Scully must have had when we weren't looking. I've decided to explore some of those moments.

“I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you pesky kids!”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Just let us out!” Scully rattled the door handle furiously until Mulder’s hand clamped down over hers. He wrapped his arms around Scully’s shoulders until she stilled. Lowering his head close to hers, he whispered.

“It’s from Scooby-Doo, Scully! Scooby Dooby Doooooo,” he crooned in his best Scooby voice.

“Shut up, Mulder! I know I say that a lot but I really mean it this time!” Scully hissed. Her normally calm persona was in tatters and she was in no mood to indulge Mulder’s goofy humour right now. They had been tailing this suspect for hours. He had kidnapped the local mayor because dogs kept fouling the man’s lawn and the police had failed to take his complaints seriously. After a fusillade of angry letters to the mayor had gone unanswered, the suspect had set up a tripwire on the mayor’s usual, predawn jogging route where it passed behind the kidnapper’s house. The suspect had forced the dazed mayor into a wheelbarrow, of all things, and locked him in the garden shed.

Of course, no one knew any of these details when the FBI had been called in. All they knew at that point was that a city official from a prominent local family had gone missing in suspicious circumstances. Mulder had been asked to assist in developing a profile when the Violent Crimes profilers had been unavailable at short notice, and he had suggested checking any letters of compliant the mayor had received in the weeks before his disappearance. Something about the suspect’s angry diatribes about the local police department had aroused Mulder’s suspicion. Officers were dispatched to the suspect’s home and the mayor had soon been located and transferred to hospital for assessment. Awash with praise for Mulder's contribution to the swift case resolution, Mulder and Scully had then tracked down the suspect to his aunt’s B&B in a small island town just off the coast. Triumph had suddenly turned to frustration.

“Come on, Scully. Relax; we’ll be fine. This clown got the jump on us, but he’s not dangerous.” Mulder and Scully had been searching the house to locate the suspect and had been trapped by the simple expedient of the suspect creeping up behind them and shoving Mulder hard in the back as Scully had checked the pantry, pitching them both into the small, dark space. The kidnapper had promptly slammed the door shut and locked them in.

“God, this is so embarrassing!” Scully let her head fall forward onto the door with a thunk. Mulder gathered her back toward him and rubbed her forehead with his open palm.

“Hush. When we hear him leaving we’ll get the door open-he’s left the key in the lock on the outside and the gap under this door is huge, you’ll be able to get your hand under there and grab the key if we push it out onto the floor.” Scully finally sighed and some of the tension drained from her small frame, so with a final squeeze of her upper arms, Mulder released his gentle hold on her.

Leaving Scully to press her ear to the door and listen impatiently for any signs that their suspect was leaving the house, Mulder took out his penlight and shone it around the small space they were currently confined to; a well-stocked butler’s pantry. The shelves were groaning with cans, bottles of preserves, jars of sweets and pies covered with glass domes.

“Jackpot!” murmured Mulder, and Scully turned to scowl at him.

“Shh!”

“Sorry! Sorry.” The flashlight beam hit the ceiling as Mulder raised his hands in surrender. He had learned from painful experience over the years of their partnership that provoking Scully when she was embarrassed would lead to trouble. Mulder quietly resumed his inspection of the contents of the pantry shelves until he found what he was looking for: a roll of wax paper. He claimed his prize, leaving the box behind and unrolling several feet of the paper. He tore off that section and made a second sheet of the same size. Satisfied, he resumed his place behind Scully at the door.

“Do you hear anything?” he murmured, trying to make as little noise as possible.

“No, I’m pretty sure I heard the main door open and close a few minutes ago- the wind and rain sounds got louder and then there was a bang; like the door got away from him. No chance of hearing a car from in here with that racket out there.”

“Okay, time to MacGyver ourselves out of here then, Scully.” Mulder took Scully’s place at the door and knelt to slide first one and then the other piece of paper through the gap so that they covered the floor in front of the door. Satisfied, he turned back to his partner.

“We need something to poke the key out of the hole so it falls onto the paper,” Mulder explained. Scully found her flashlight and directed its beam along the shelves, much as Mulder had moments before.

“I don’t see anythi…oh, hang on.” She stretched up on her toes to try and reach the wax paper box that Mulder had placed back on the top shelf.

Mulder watched his determined partner for a moment then stood and moved to stand behind her. He placed a hand on her hip.

“Allow me,” he offered. He retrieved the box and handed it to Scully, who pried the metal cutting strip away from the cardboard. She held the makeshift blade up triumphantly.

Mulder grinned at her in the dim light. “Nice Macgyvering, G-woman!”

He moved out of her way so Scully could reach the lock.

“Gently, don’t send it flying across the room with your freakish strength,” he teased.

Scully ignored him and concentrated on lining up the metal strip with the end of the key inside the lock. The metal tool slipped and slid around on the first few attempts, but then Scully felt the key slowly begin to slide away from her. She used the blade to lift the barrel of the key slightly and it fell loose. They heard a metallic clunk as the heavy old key hit the tiles.

Scully fell to her knees to peer hopefully under the door. The key was out of reach but had landed on the edge of the wax paper. She gripped the paper sheets and carefully guided them back under the door, dragging the key until it was close enough to grab. She stood, victorious.

“Nice work, Scully,” Mulder said. Scully had already placed the key in the lock and was about to turn it and release them from the pantry when Mulder stopped her with a hand to her shoulder.

“Hang on there a second.” She turned to look at Mulder and saw he was removing his gun from its holster. “Better safe than sorry.”

“You’re right, sorry. I’m just keen to get out of here.”

“Is my company that unpleasant, Scully?”

“No, but your jokes are! Let’s go, Mulder.” Scully allowed her partner to take her place at the door and he turned the key quietly, pushing the door open quickly and scanning the room to make sure it was empty.

Together they checked all of the rooms in the house. The car that had been in the driveway was gone, but having been tricked once, they didn’t want to underestimate the man a second time. When they were confident that they were indeed alone in the building, they went into one of the guest rooms and locked the door. Mulder took out his phone and sat heavily on the edge of the bed, slumped forward, his head in his hand, anticipating the humiliation of explaining the events of the last several hours to AD Skinner.

For once, the fates were kind to Special Agent Fox Mulder. No sooner had the phone connected than Skinner began to speak.

“We have him, Agent, so you two can stand down. The back-up you called in was arriving just as the suspect left the causeway. He really didn’t put up any resistance-it was an easy arrest.” Mulder’s head slumped even lower.

Skinner continued, “Are you still in the house?”

“Ah, yes sir. We suspected he’d exited the premises but by the time we’d cleared all the rooms…”

“It’s fine, Mulder. He’s back at the station with the local police. They’ll take it from here. Good job. The mayor is unharmed and is safely at home, although very embarrassed that he fell for such a stupid trap.” Mulder winced: he shared the mayor’s sentiment.

“Anyway, I’ve been advised that you and Scully are to stay put for the night since the causeway is now under several feet of water. The B & B owners are stuck on this side but have been advised of your presence in their home. They’ve said you can use any of the guest rooms and apparently there’s a butler’s pantry full of food.”

Mulder was starting to wonder if Skinner knew the whole story already and was taunting him but decided he didn't want to know. Not tonight anyway.

“Search and rescue has deemed you a low priority since you are in a secure structure. All their watercraft are engaged in rescue and recovery thanks to this storm. Can you sit tight until tomorrow?” asked their boss.

“Yes, sir, but just know we will be hitting the minibars in every room.” Mulder started to rally as it appeared the call was coming to an end.

“Well it’s fortunate for your departmental budget that it’s a B & B and not the Hilton then, isn’t it?”

“Goodnight, sir.”

“Goodnight, Mulder.” They ended the call.

“Well, they have him, Scully, but we’ve been deemed unworthy of rescue so we’re here for the night. Which side of the bed do you want?”

“Uh, the side that’s in the room next door?”

“Scully, you are no fun.”

“I’m aware of that. Why can’t we just drive out?”

“The storm has caused a tidal surge I guess, and the causeway is underwater. They’ll send a boat in the morning if the waters haven’t receded but they’re too busy tonight with rescues. Since we have this lovely hotel all to ourselves…”

“…we’re a low priority. I get it.”

“The good news, Scully, is that _apparently_ there is a butler’s pantry full of food. If we can somehow find that, we are to help ourselves.” Mulder’s voice dripped with sarcasm. Now it was Scully’s turn to drop her head in shame.

Mulder gave her a moment, then stood and softly placed a hand to her back to guide her toward the door. “Come on, Miss Scully, I’ll buy you dinner,” he said, earning himself a small smile.

\--

Just as Mulder and Scully reached the ground floor, the hallway was illuminated by a white-hot flash of lightning, thunder boomed overhead and a loud crash preceded the complete loss of power to the building.

Scully groaned. “Perfect! No lights, no heating, no hot dinner!”

“I could go and check the fuse box, or look for a generator,” Mulder offered.

“Forget it. With our luck today you’ll be bitten by a tarantula or eaten by an alligator. I'm guessing a branch has taken out the power lines.” Scully flicked on her torch and led the way to the kitchen.

There they found the makings of some tasty sandwiches and Mulder liberated an apple pie from the pantry. Scully had noticed a bowl of cream in the fridge so they added that to their dessert.

“That was actually pretty good. We’ve certainly had worse meals on the road,” Mulder mused as they pushed back from the table, rinsing their dishes and piling them beside the sink to be washed in the light of day.

“True, although I’ve come to enjoy our mediocre diner dinners, Mulder,” Scully admitted.

“Me too, Scully, me too.”

\--

Back upstairs, the pair poked around the public areas, looking for something to do. There were books and board games, but the thought of reading or playing by the light of their flashlights seemed like a lot of hard work. Television was obviously out of the question. The temperature was also dropping since there was no central heating to warm the rooms. Scully looked at her watch. It was almost 9 pm.

“At the risk of proving I am absolutely no fun, I vote we just go to bed,” Scully announced, earning a cheeky eyebrow wiggle from Mulder.

“Sounds plenty fun to me, Scully.”

“You can have as much fun as you like _in your room_ , Mulder,” was her retort.

“Come on, Scully. There’s no heat. You’ll be a little Scully popsicle by morning without me to keep you warm.” Mulder used his most beguiling tone. Scully hated being cold. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath then she opened her eyes again and nodded.

“Sometimes I really hate how well you know me, Mulder,” she confessed.

“No, you don’t,” he replied as he opened the doors to each guest room, shining his penlight into first one and then another. Eventually, he indicated the room at the back of the property.

“This one is the most protected from the wind. It’ll be quieter, and a bit warmer.” Scully nodded her agreement and headed into the room. She used her flashlight to investigate the cupboards and drawers, but found nothing useful.

“I could go and look for the owner’s room; borrow some pyjamas?” Mulder offered.

“Never mind. My camisole will do me. I’m going to use the bathroom.” Scully headed out the door. Mulder turned down the bed then took his turn in the bathroom once Scully returned. He gave her enough time to peel off her outer layers and claim her preferred side of the bed before he rejoined her in the bedroom. Mulder stripped down to his undershirt and boxers before quickly sliding under the covers-the room really was getting cold now. He sighed happily as he sank into the soft bedding. Scully giggled quietly and he reached out and tweaked her on the nose. She slapped his hand away playfully.

“Truth or Dare, Scully?” Mulder asked hopefully.

“Neither. There cannot be a single question about my sex life you haven’t already asked, Mulder. Just come here and warm me up.” She rolled onto her side, facing away from Mulder, and he moved in closer to spoon her, wrapping his strong arms around her small frame. She sighed happily as his warm body engulfed hers. They lay in contented silence for a while, until Mulder broke the quiet.

“I can’t believe you haven’t watched Scooby-Doo, Scully,” he said, referencing their much earlier conversation during their brief confinement in the pantry.

“Of course I’ve watched Scooby-Doo. I just wasn’t thinking about it while we were busy chasing that idiot.”

“The idiot who got away from us?”

“Oh, God, yes! This is the most embarrassing case we’re ever had!” Mulder squeezed Scully comfortingly.

“Worse than the exploding manure factory?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Worse than getting tricked by the Gunmen into joining them in Vegas and getting injected with disinhibition juice?”

“Yes, and I still haven’t forgiven them for telling you about that!”

“Worse than having a cow fall through your hotel room roof and then having to stay with your partner, who didn’t want to share her bed with you…oh, wait, that was me!”

“I’m sharing my bed with you now.”

“You are. Would you like me to show you just how much I appreciate your generosity?”

“Mulder!” Scully’s tone held a mild warning but it was undercut with amusement.

“Scul-ly!” Mulder mimicked, well aware of Scully's rules about consorting on cases, but always hopeful: sometimes she was persuadable. And sometimes she did the persuading!

“With the way our day has gone, I’m fully expecting a cow through the roof, or a SWAT team to kick in the door at any moment. I do not intend to be found naked on top of my equally naked partner! Go to sleep!”

“Yes, ma’am,” Mulder chuckled as he nuzzled into Scully’s neck. She graciously allowed him to slide one hand under her camisole, to rest warmly on her smooth belly. Just as he thought Scully had drifted off to sleep, she shared one final thought.

  
“This really is a comfortable bed though, Mulder; we could come back here one weekend if you’d like!”


End file.
